Not many people know this about me.
In my early twenties, I had to fight a dark demon.
It was not depression.
It was not homelessness (even though I have been homeless for a while).
It was not a heart breakup (I had many of those).
It was my relationship with food.
As soon as I stopped smoking, I started developing a love/hate relationship with the food I was eating.
For more than two years I went starving myself while working out seven days x week.
I thought I was fit, while other people told me that they could see my ribs, cheekbones and I looked like a skull.
Then I started developing bulimic attacks.
Where I would eat like crazy during the night, just to put my toothbrush down in my throat to force myself to vomit.
This went on for another year.
Then I developed into the overeating phase.
Where I would eat bags of food, steal food and stuff myself up to a point, I could not breathe anymore.
This phase kept going for at least three years.
I was beating myself down because I could not control myself.
Food became an obsession.
I was not happy with myself.
I was not happy with the way I looked.
I was not happy that I could not control this dark demon.
You know what helped me control this addiction?
Which is the Alcoholic Anonymous group for overeaters.
Meeting regularly with other people who were fighting the same demon gave me hope.
And gave me the strength I needed to get back in control of my life slowly.
The reason why I am writing this message is that I know many people who have a destructive relationship with food.
In particular a destructive relationship with themselves.
If you know someone who is going through it, please tell them that there is nothing wrong with them, and there are people out there to help.
You are not alone.
Ps. Now I have been controlling my demon for four years, but now and then it pops up again.
The cause for me was that I was not loving and respecting myself.
I had a deep hate for myself and a lot of guilt coming from some choices I made as a teenager.
When I was able to forgive myself and my need for being The Best to show others who cool I was, then I suddenly started feeling better, and slowly my food addiction almost disappeared.
If you have experienced something similar or you know someone who faced similar challenges, please share your experience in the comments. I would love to know your story.